To make your
life better, you'll need to get out of self-pity, and start to practice
self-care skills. Avoid falling back into the same trap by taking practical
steps to understand your attraction to the wrong person.
Learn
to love yourself.
When you've been involved in an unhappy love situation, you might conclude that
no one wants you. However, this is a result of rejection and/or being in a bad
relationship. Instead, take this opportunity to remind yourself of your
positive qualities.
- Practicing self-love will aid the healing process of a broken heart, as it affirms your self-worth and self-esteem.
- If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, check yourself. Are these words that you would say to a loved one? If not, consider what you might say to someone whom you loved.
Talk
to someone you trust.
There are lots of good reasons to share your feelings with another person.
Talking about your frustration will help you see your relationship in a new way,
which may offer solutions you hadn’t thought about before.
- Talking with a trusted friend is a great way to release pent-up feelings, and will help you feel better.
- You’ll likely find out that your friend has had similar experiences, which will help if you’re feeling alone.
Start
to build your self-esteem. Low self-esteem is an unrealistically
negative evaluation of yourself. People with low self-esteem are more likely to
find themselves in unhappy love situations. As you develop your ability to care
about yourself, you’ll be less likely to feel sorry for yourself.
- Perhaps this is a good time to try new activities, join self-help groups, or volunteer to help someone less fortunate than yourself.
- Paying attention to your own feelings can help you develop self-esteem. When you don’t respect your own feelings, you’re left to believe whatever other people tell you you should feel.
Get
active.
Moving your body is an excellent way to stop feeling sorry for yourself. When
you force yourself to exercise and get your heart pumping, you’ll start to feel
better about yourself. The endorphins that come from exercise will kick in,
elevating your mood.
- Remember the old expression, “Move a muscle, change a thought.”
- Exercise helps everything about your life: you’ll sleep better, you’ll become healthier and more fit, and you’ll feel less stressed.
Practice
kindness to yourself.
When you notice your internal dialogue (or self-talk) repeating negativity,
find a way to see things in a new light. For example, if you find yourself
telling yourself, “You’re so stupid!” remind yourself that, “That’s okay, it
was just a little mistake.” If it was a big mistake, remind yourself that
you’ll learn from the experience. You can say, “It’s human to make mistakes. I
love myself anyway, and I don’t have to be perfect.”
- Being understanding towards yourself when you make a mistake will help you heal as you cope with unreturned feelings of love.
- When you’re in love with the wrong person, it’s especially important to practice kindness to yourself.
Live
intentionally.
This means prioritizing what you want, feel and think. People who fall in love
with the wrong person often have spent more time relying on what other people
want for them, rather than on what they want for themselves. If you’re trying
to cope with an unhappy experience of love, restore your balance by paying
attention to yourself.
- Consider what really makes you feel happy. When do you feel most “like yourself”? Do more of these things.
- When you find yourself doing things that make you feel awkward, silly, or unimportant, it’s okay to try to minimize these things in your life.
