While it’s easy to believe that because past events are over they
should just go away on their own, it’s not always easy. Unforgettable experiences,
especially traumatic ones, have the power to affect you on a neurological
level, and leave traces on our body and mind that can influence your behavior
for years, sometimes decades, to come. The memories of these events can
influence you on both a neurological and psychological level with or without
your awareness of it. Learning to live with the effects of such experiences can
be difficult, but is never impossible, no matter how impactful the experience
was. While learning to let go of the influence of painful memories will take
time and effort on your part, there are ways for you to learn to let go of
painful memories.
Recognize the physical signs of
emotional trauma. Sometimes particularly impactful
experiences can leave noticeable physical traces indicative of emotional
trauma. If you have certain symptoms, it could be the case that the painful
memories you have are associated with some emotional trauma that is affecting
your physical health. No two people will ever express their reaction to trauma
in the same way, so it’s important to consider your own situation individually,
perhaps in dialogue with a mental health professional.
- Common physical symptoms of emotional trauma are trouble sleeping due to insomnia or nightmares, a racing or unsteady heartbeat, physical aches and pains all over your body, being easily startled, tiredness, trouble concentrating, agitation, being on edge, and tense muscles.
- These symptoms can be signs of anxiety related to painful memories in the past. Engaging with and learning how to manage any anxiety that arises for you can help in easing the effects of painful memories in your everyday life.
Figure out
the impact. The first thing you have to figure
out is precisely how painful memories might be impacting your current life.
Because particularly impactful experiences in the past can affect you in the
most subtle of neurological and psychological levels, you are not always aware
of how they might be influencing your behavior in the present. While all of
your current behaviors and ideas are influenced to some extent by past
behaviors, those that have left painful memories often affect you more than
others.
- For example, you could experience a large degree of anxiety around lakes because of a near death experience in water, or you could perhaps unconsciously avoid certain activities or locations that remind you of a deceased loved one. Whatever the case, learning exactly how such painful memories might be affecting your life in the present in order to come to terms with them and incorporating their effects into your everyday life.
- To figure out how they are impacting you, take an inventory of how you react to certain things. Think back to any noticeable changes you think you may noticed in yourself between the traumatic event and how you act now. If you aren't sure you can see any changes yourself, ask those around you have different you act or if they have seen any changes in your behavior that may point to the areas of your life the memories have impacted.
Engage
with anxiety. Whenever you start to feel anxiety
in situations that remind of painful memories, engage with the anxiety. Identify
the memories as such and experiment with what’s happening as opposed to simply
removing yourself from the situation entirely. Psychologists have several
different techniques for working through issues like this, but two similar and
effective methods are mindsight and mindfulness. In either case, the goal here
is to learn to pay attention to when anxiety arises. When it does, focus on
aspects of the situation you can control, such as your breath, in order to slow
the situation down enough to where you no longer feel overwhelmed.
- Since breathing is one of the things you will typically always have some degree of control over, and it is connected to so many different physiological processes in your body, learning to regulate it can be a great tool for reducing anxiety when it arises. It can also be helpful to become more aware of your surroundings in general.
- Do this first by yourself at home. Start by breathing in slowly, holding it in, and then releasing just as slow. Try to notice any sensations that arise when this occurs so you will be able to make such connections between your anxiety and your breath during other situations outside of your home.
Focus on the future. Living in the past and in your painful memories is not
healthy. You will never go forward or enjoy new things if your mind is always
stuck in the past. This kind of rumination has been linked with depression,
post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and many other issues. In order to
stop ruminating, take part in activities that help your focus on the present or
future. Make plans for the weekend with friends, think about a vacation you
want to save up for, or think about career or life goals that you have yet to
achieve. Anything positive will help you keep your focus from spiraling down
into your painful memories.
- If you are still worried about changes you could have made in the past associated with the memory, think about the ways you can avoid such events in the future. If it was not under your control, think about how far you've come since the event and focus on the positive aspects of your current or future endeavors.
