Here
we go with the last point of our discussion. After observing the problem in your relationship and there has been a way to deal with the problem. The next step
is to bring back the lost love. Here are points to help you bring back the love;
Think about why you got together. When you're in a dire situation where your relationship is
failing, you may have forgotten why you got together in the first place. Spend
some time reflecting on what you liked about him or her in the first place.
- Maybe she could always make you laugh, or he made sure to call to see if you got home safely. Think about all the little things that you used to love about the other person. One way you can think about the past together is to look at old photos together.
Make sure you are both open to
change. If your primary goal is to protect
yourself in the relationship from hurt and anger, you aren't open to change.
Instead, you'll likely want to control your partner to enforce that protection,
making your relationship negative and stagnant. On the other hand, if you're
both willing to learn and grow together, your relationship can develop over
time into something better. If only one of you is willing to change, it may not
work.
Focus on what's good. Think about what you love about your partner. In fact, take
some time each day to write down five things you love about your partner or are
grateful for in your partner. Try to put those thoughts into words and actions
by expressing gratitude towards your partner.
Find out each other's love
languages. Everyone experiences love
differently. Gary Chapman breaks this idea down into the five ways people
experience love or the five love languages. If you've never taken the time to
figure out each other's love languages, now is the time to do it. You can take
quizzes online to figure out what your love language is.
- The first love language is words of affirmation, which means that you feel loved when you hear words that value you.
- The second love language involves service, meaning that you feel loved when someone gives of his or her time to help you out or to do chores around the house.
- The third love language is gifts. That means that you feel loved when you receive small (or large) tokens of appreciation from people who are close to you.
- The fourth love language is time. With this love language, you feel loved if a person spends time with you.
- The final love language is touch. In other words, you feel loved if a person is affectionate with you by kissing you, holding your hand, cuddling with you, or hugging you, for instance.
Apply the love languages. That is, in your interactions with each other, try to use
the other person's love language to show that you care. If your partner's love
language is service, try doing little things around the house to show you care
or try taking his or her car to the wash. If your partner's love language is
time, make sure to figure out ways to spend more time with the person on a
regular basis.
Take time to connect. Just like when you first got together, you need to spend
time together, just the two of you. You may think you know everything about
your partner, but people can still surprise you even years later. Take time
each day to talk to your partner and ask about his or her life, thoughts, and
feelings.
- One way to learn something new about your partner is to try taking a class together, such as a cooking or dance class. You'll experience something new together and rekindle some of the old spark.
Enjoy hobbies together. Though tastes may change, you should make time to do
something you used to love doing together. If you used to love cooking Chinese
food together, try it again. If you once trained for a half marathon but are
now feeling too out of shape, commit to the challenge. By committing to
something you enjoyed doing before, you'll rekindle some of the old passion you
felt. However, it doesn't just have to be something you used to enjoy together.
You can also try something new.
Get physical. That is, you need to remember to connect to each other
through touch, not just sex. When you're together, hold each other hands,
cuddle, or hug. Touch her arm while she's talking. Rub his knee while you're
sitting next to each other. Touch is important in maintaining intimacy, and it
can be lost to the daily grind over the years.
Keep communicating. Once you've started on this path, you may think you'll be
able to fix your problems just by sitting down together once and talking about
it. However, maintaining a relationship means constantly checking in with each
other and talking about what's going on and how you're feeling.
- Communication is especially important when you feel yourself getting angry at your partner and wanting to be short with him or her. Instead of getting angry, take a moment to breathe. Once you've calmed down, take a moment to talk about why you are getting upset and what can be done about it.
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