Having doubt or trouble deciding whether your friend is a
true friend or to choose a true friend. An adage said ‘a friend in need is a
friend indeed’. It is hard for some people to know a true friend especially
among girls. Friends are a dime a dozen, but true friends are something far
rarer, and far more rewarding. Luckily, they're also easy to spot. Here are
simple tips you should follow to know a true friend.
True friends offer supportive comments and encouragement.
Real friends make you feel needed, confident, and happy. Everyone needs a
little positive energy here and there, and true friends have it in spades. Even
when they disagree with you ("that hat looks like it came from a dead
opossum") they still support you the best they can ("but, at least,
you're rocking it!").
- If your friend gives you genuine compliments, on everything from your new outfit to your work ethic, it's a good sign.
- Encouragement, even over dumb little things, is a good sign for both of you.
- See if your friend is your cheerleader. Though your friend doesn't have to always cheer you on, if your friend is a good friend, then they should be your fan and should always root for you to succeed.
- If your friend always dismisses or one-ups your successes ("You got an 85 on the test? That's cool, I got an 89"), puts you down, and/or doesn't believe you can succeed, then they aren't a true friend -- kick their unpleasant attitudes up the curb.
True friends listen to you.
Sometimes all you need is for someone to shut up and listen. True friends know
how to close their mouths and open their ears, as long as you can do the same
from time to time. They make eye contact when talking, remember what you've
told them, and ask thoughtful questions. Notice who does most of the talking.
In an ideal friendship, both friends should roughly share the same amount. If
you feel like you are always the one listening to your friend's problems,
then you're not getting your fair share of the friendship.
- If your friend is looking around the room and checking their phone every time you talk, or has no recollection of that time you said you were applying to law school, they're probably fake friends not worth your time.
True friends communicate openly with each other.
With true friends, you happily share embarrassing stories and secrets, and they
share them back. They'll pick up on your moods without cues. "Dude-- you
seem off today," for example, may be a guy's best attempt at emotional
empathy, but it is still a meaningful sign of friendship. He cares, dude. When
things get rough, true friends don't beat around the bush, they have mature,
honest conversations that get to the point.
- If you know how to have a mature talk when you're unhappy, then you have strong communication. If you and your friend are comfortable saying, "Hey, I was really hurt that you didn't come to my party the other night" then you've found a friend worth keeping.
- If you feel the need to hide things from him or her, can't trust them with secrets or big news, or feel like they don't open up to you about their lives, you're facing yet another not-so-true friend.
True friends keep away from the rumor mill.
If your so-called friend is a big gossip, then it's likely that your friend is
gossiping about you when you're not around. Everyone loves some juicy gossip
from time to time. But if you feel like your friend is always gossiping about
someone or talking trash, chances are your "friend" will do the same
as soon as your back is turned. Here are some ways to know if your friend's
gossiping is out of control:
- If your friend talks trash about someone as soon as they leave the room, then the friend is a terrible person.
- If your friend routinely talks about people they claim to be their closest friends, then they're doing the same about you to their other "true" friends.
- If your friend is always saying negative things about people who aren't around, then your friend is definitely not a true friend.
True friends keep everything 50/50.
In an ideal friendship, both people put the same amount of effort into the
relationship, whether it's communication, making time to chill, or buying the
next round of drinks. It's a give and take, so don't do all the giving if your
friend is a taker. Usually, you can feel this happening -- movie night is
always at your house, you always call first, they keep borrowing your Simpsons
DVDs without asking, etc. And if you feel it happening, cut them off! True
friends give back to you without having to think about it.
- You should both be willing to show affection. Not everyone is a hugger, but everyone has a way of demonstrating that they care for you.
- Keeping things equal doesn't mean you spend the same amount of cash on people -- relationships aren't bought and sold. It's just about feeling respected and cared for by a friend, however they show it.
- Don't let your friend always come to you for favors and support, but get busy the minute you need a hand. You should both be reaching out from time to time, not only to ask for help but to offer it.
True friends make you feel good about yourself.
Your friend doesn't have to agree with everything you've done, but your
friendship should make you feel good about who you are as a person. They make
the time fly and the world feel conquerable. If you leave a hang-out session
with your friend feeling invigorated, excited, or just giggling from the silly
time you shared, then you're both killing this whole friendship thing.
- If, every time you say goodbye to your friend, you feel like you made a mistake, upset your friend, or you're a worse person, then you have a problem. If your friend is putting you down to make themselves feel better, then you have a problem. If your friend makes you feel bad through snide comments about your looks, weight, grades, etc, then -- well, you get the picture.
True friends make you feel valuable.
If being involved with your "friend" makes you feel uncertain about
your importance in your friend's life, then they shouldn't be important in your
life. While a friend shouldn't coddle you with lies, a true friend always makes
you feel needed, important, and indispensable. They ask your advice and listen
to it, and don't leave your side as soon as the "cool" friend walks
in the room. No one has time for dumb games like that -- find someone who does
value your friendship.
- Fake or casual friends might make your feel great in private, but won't even know you exist at parties or in public. They dismiss your advice or thoughts and leave you out of group plans.
Follow your instincts to find true friends.
If something doesn't feel right, it isn't. Don't follow horror-movie logic,
ignoring your bad feelings to get burned later on. If you're unhappy with them,
don't feel supported and loved, or can't trust a friend, then don't to be their
friend. True friends aren't easy to come by, but that doesn't mean you need to
settle for someone who treats you like crap. Step back a minute and ask
yourself if you really think they are a true friend, or if you just want them
to be a good friend.
- If you're even questioning whether your friend is a true friend or not, then there's a good chance there's a major problem in your relationship. No friendship is perfect, and bumps are bound to happen. But those bumps shouldn't make up the whole road of your relationship.
