Understand the person's true
motives. If you have recognized the
criticism as completely destructive and hurtful, then you can think about why
the person might have said such a thing to make yourself feel better. Maybe the
girl was jealous of your new outfit and said you dress like a skank. Maybe a
guy said you're not a good writer because he's jealous that you just published
a story. Maybe the person was just in a bad mood and felt like taking it out on
someone. Whatever the reason, remind yourself that it had little to do with who
you are.
- Put yourself in the person's shoes. Understand where he is really coming from. Though the words will still sting, it might make you feel better. If your coworker yelled at you for no reason, but you remember that he is going through a divorce, then you'll start to be a bit more understanding, won't you?
Look for the grain of truth. Okay, so maybe the criticism was delivered in a way that
was completely mean, unnecessary, and hurtful, and most of the things that were
said were way off base. Maybe your co-worker said you were "a complete
mess" or your friend said you were "totally selfish" for what
you think was no reason at all. Take a minute to think about it, though: do you
need to brush up on your organizational skills? Have you been known to be a
little selfish from time to time? If so, then maybe you should reconsider your
actions without getting hurt by the way the criticism was given.
- Sure, it's very hard to take someone seriously if they are yelling at you, calling you names, or generally treating you with completely disrespect. This makes it nearly impossible to take a word they say seriously. But if you want to be the bigger person, try to find the underlying message if there is one.
Remember that words can never hurt
you. What was that thing your mother
told you about "sticks and stones" not being able to break your
bones? Sure, you thought it was stupid in third grade, but now, you're a lot
older, and it's starting to make sense. In the end, destructive criticism isn't
made up of bullets, swords, or atomic bombs -- it's just a series of words
connected together in a way designed to make you feel terrible. So,
remind yourself that criticism only consists of a bunch of words.
- Criticism can't steal your money, slap you across the face, or crash your car. So don't let it get to you.
Stay confident. The most important thing you can do is maintain your
confidence. No matter what people are saying about you, you have to stay
strong, remember who you are, and not let other people influence your own
self-worth. Being confident doesn't mean thinking that you're flawless, but it
does mean loving who you are and how you look. If you're truly confident, then
you won't let haters get you down and make you think less of yourself.
- If you're unhappy with who you are, ask yourself why. Make a list of a few things you don't like about yourself and figure out what you can change.
- Being confident also means accepting the things you cannot change about yourself. So, you don't like that you're so tall. Do you plan on slouching for the rest of your life, or will you start to love your long legs after all?
- Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself will also go a long way in making you feel more confident. If you're hanging with people who always bring you down, then yeah, you're not going to feel good about yourself.
Keep doing what you're doing. So...you've heard that someone said you're a brown-noser.
Will you start participating less in class? Or your co-worker has told you
you're too type A. Are you going to stop being who you are if it's working for
you? Of course not. If you haven't received a valid criticism and know that
what people are telling you is only only being said because of jealousy, anger,
or mean-spiritedness, then there's no need to change your routine to please
people.
- If the criticism has no basis whatsoever, then the best thing you can do is to ignore it completely.
- Don't feel bad if you're not able to push all of these negative words aside right away. It takes practice to stop caring about what people think.
