Criticism
is never fun, whether it's coming from a well-meaning English teacher or from
your arch enemy. If the criticism is meant to be constructive, then you can use
it to become a more well-rounded person. And if it's only meant to harm you,
then you can work on shaking it off like a bad habit. So how do you deal with
it? Read these steps to find out.
Understand what you're really being
told. If you want to deal with criticism,
then you have to understand the message behind it. If you've determined that
the criticism is meant to be constructive, then you have to break it down so
you can start figuring out what to do next. Sometimes, you may be focused on
the hurtful aspects of the feedback and your pride may be too wounded for you
to see what is right in front of you.
- Sure, you weren't happy with the "C" on your English paper. But was your teacher trying to tell you that you were stupid and a horrible writer? Probably not. She wanted to tell you to research your argument more, and to use more concrete evidence to back up your claims. It also wouldn't have hurt to actually meet the word limit, would it?
- If your friend told you you're obsessed with yourself, sure that hurts. But could there be something helpful behind the message? Sure: your friend is telling you to be a little more empathetic, and to spend more time thinking about others and less time thinking about yourself.
See if there's some truth to it. If the feedback is coming from a person who has your best
interest in mind, then you have to consider the possibility that there really
is some truth to those words. It's even more likely if you've heard similar
comments before. If ten people told you, you were selfish, then they can't all
be wrong, can they? Take a moment to consider the possibility that this person
is really on to something.
Make a game plan for addressing it. Okay, you've decided that your English teacher, boss,
parents, or best friend is completely right, or at least somewhat right. Now,
you've got to write down the thing you need to work on, and make a plan for
addressing it. This can take a long time, and it's never too late to start.
Once you come up with a plan, a way of adjusting your expectations and actions,
you can begin to address the criticism and become a better person.
- If your English teacher is right about you needing to do more research, then make a point of spending twice as much time reading up on your sources before you come up with an argument next time.
- If your boss tells you you're disorganized, work on organizing your desk, Inbox, and your spreadsheets until you feel more in control.
Thank the person for being honest (if he's
also being kind). If you have received some criticism
that was delivered in a friendly and helpful way, or just in a way that was
meant to be honest and clear, then take the time to thank the person and to say
that you appreciate the fact that the person told you something that can make
you an even better friend, student, or professional.
- Thanking people who give you honest criticism is also a sign of maturity. Suck it up and say "thank you" even if you're gritting your teeth.
Stop making excuses. If someone is giving you valid criticism, stop making
excuses for why that person is completely wrong, especially if you know that
there is some truth to what he or she is saying. If you get defensive and make
excuses, then the person won't be able to finish telling you exactly what he or
she means, and you won't get the information you need to really improve. It's
natural that we feel defensive and get the feeling that we can do no wrong, but
it's important to hear people out before you cut them off to prove you're
perfect.
- If someone is in the middle of telling you something you can do to improve, don't say, "But actually, I already do that..." unless you feel like the person is really off base.
- If your teacher says you need to work harder, don't give her a lame excuse for why you've been slacking off. Instead, note the feedback and try to address it.
- It takes maturity to stay quiet instead of making excuses for why the person is wrong when you're getting valid feedback.
Remember that constructive criticism
can make you a better person.
Sure, it's tough to deal with even the most well-meaning criticism, especially
if you're convinced you're perfect and that you can do no wrong. But if you're
so invested in being an awesome person, then remind yourself that being aware
of your flaws and shortcomings and making a plan for addressing them will make
you an even more amazing person.
- The next time you hear some constructive criticism, embrace it! It's kind of like what Kelly Clarkson said: "Whatever (criticism) doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
