Love
is an abstract concept that is hard to pinpoint and understand. Many people
describe love by using emotions, although love is not necessarily an emotion,
in and of itself. There are a few physical and psychological markers of
realizing that you love someone, however. Oftentimes, the realization that you
love someone will come upon you suddenly, even though it likely took a long
time to build.
Identify how much you like this
person and whether your feelings are romantic. It is sometimes easy to get caught
up in feelings of lust or infatuation over a person. Take time to consider
whether your feelings for your special someone are romantic and whether you are
truly interested in this person.
- Are you physically attracted to him/her?
- Do you want to be in a committed relationship with this person, or is a friendship all you want?
- Are you only interested in physical intimacy, or is that just a bonus to your great relationship?
- Do you think about him/her frequently?
- Do you get “butterflies in your stomach” when you think about this person?
- Is this someone you can imagine introducing to your family and friends as your significant other?
Write down what exactly it is that
you like about your special someone. Pinpointing the qualities about this person that you like
will help you to determine if what you are feeling is truly love or simply
infatuation or lust. If you have more physical attributes on your list, there
is a good chance that you are not actually in love with this person and instead
are lusting after him/her.
- Personality traits
- Physical traits
- Positive attributes—are they genuine?
- Negative attributes—are they endearing? Annoying?
Consider how you think about your
love interest and if you think of “us” and “we.” In Part 1, you took time to
decipher your thoughts about your special someone. When you think about this
person, do you think of an “us” or “we” that implies that you think of the two
of you as being connected?
- Can you see a future with this person one year down the road? Five years? Fifteen years?
- Do you find yourself making decisions based on what is best for both of you?
- How important are his/her dreams and ambitions to you?
- Are you willing to fully support this person through the obstacles of life?
Determine whether you accept your
special someone for who he/she is. Flaws are part of a person's personality just as much as
the positive qualities. You need to consider whether you completely accept your
love interest for who he/she is or whether you find yourself wishing some
aspects were different.
- Oftentimes, part of realizing that you love someone includes becoming aware that that person's flaws do not bother you. You accept him/her, flaws and all, and you are willing to work together to overcome those flaws.
- Simultaneously, you find yourself becoming a better person because of your significant other. He/She is accepting of your flaws, but you find yourself trying to become better for the sake of the relationship.
Ask yourself whether you are willing
to make sacrifices for this person.
Being in a relationship with and loving someone involve a willingness to make
sacrifices and compromises. When two people are involved, it is impossible for
only one person to always get his/her way.
- Do you find yourself making decisions that benefit your partner more than you?
- Do you make concessions or sacrifices in order to make both of you happy?
- How much are you willing to sacrifice for the relationship?
- Do you consider this person to be worthy of your sacrifices?
- Are these sacrifices an inconvenience, or are you making them because you genuinely want to do so?
Observe your actions around your
love interest.
People often treat their significant others differently from their friends and
family. Make observations to yourself about how you behave around this person.
- Do you find yourself giving this person special treatment?
- What are your emotions like? Happier? More positive? Glum? Sad?
- Do you treat your special someone with respect?
- Are you giddy?
- Do you find yourself touching him/her more, like holding hands or hugging?
- Do you want everyone to know that you are in love with him/her?
