A
healthy relationship does not depend on lies, tricks, guilty secrets,
dramatics, or any of the other "games" that we see on TV, in the
movies, and unfortunately, in our own lives. Our children begin in grade school
and perfect them by adulthood. Here is a guide that will help you recognize
them and hopefully stop the madness!
Be yourself.
- You are a worthwhile person and if someone else can't see that, s/he is not worth your love and devotion.
Be honest.
- Careful, this one's tricky! Everyone lies, makes mistakes, and has poor judgment at times. But honest people own up to it and try to fix the damage done. You can't do a very good job of being honest to your loved ones, co-workers, etc. if you aren't honest with yourself first. We tend to shy away from being honest with ourselves for two reasons: It's not always pretty and we usually are harsher with ourselves than with anyone else.
Be clear about what the expectations
are.
- When you commit to someone, (and yes, the rumors are true, a relationship is a commitment!) you need to know the boundaries. Are we friends? Are we lovers? Getting married? Living together?
Give each other permission to make
mistakes.
- No one wants to admit their mistakes if they are forever held accountable for them. Forgive and move on. Notice that it does not say forget. Remembering mistakes helps prevent us from making the same ones again.
Learn to give and to receive.
- The old saying has it all wrong. You can't know the joy of giving if you don't have joy in receiving as well. It's not selfish and it's not shameful.
Make it clear: No Strings Attached.
- This does not mean that we don't have expectations from our relationships or of each other; what it does mean is that we don't hold each other hostage to get what we want.
Understand we all have yearnings and
desires.
- At some point, you should have a heart to heart with your friend/betrothed/lover/spouse to learn what these are for each of you and how they should be dealt with. (again, here, it's time to be honest)
- What if she needs to be alone from time to time?
- What if he finds he is attracted to a girl at work?
- What if she finds that she's attracted to a girl at work?
- What if she wants to travel and he doesn't?
- What if <gasp> he's a Brown's fan and she's for the Steelers!
- These real life situations will fail to threaten a truly healthy relationship because two caring people will have already acknowledged that they can happen, instead of pretending they don't and being shocked and hurt when they do!
