Turn guilt into gratitude. Guilt can be a productive tool to
help you change behavior or build empathy, so transforming statements of guilt
into statements of gratitude adds worth to the experiences and helps you alter
how you view the past. It also aids the process of healing from guilt and
turning unproductive guilt into something productive and tangible that can
improve your life.
- Write down the guilt phrases/thoughts you have, and turn each into a gratitude statement. Guilt statements often start with "I should have...", "I could have...," "I can't believe I...," and "Why didn't I..." Turn these statements into phrases that emphasize what you are thankful for.
- Example: Change "I should not have been so critical of my husband when we were together" into "I am grateful I can learn to be less critical in my future relationships."
- Example: Change "Why didn’t I stop drinking? My drinking because my family to fall apart" into "I am grateful that I can learn to stop drinking with help and make amends with my family."
Offer daily affirmations. An affirmation is a positive
statement meant to be encouraging and uplifting. Employing this method can help
your restore your sense of self-worth and self-compassion, which is often
eroded by shame and guilt. Build compassion every day by saying, writing, or
thinking affirmations. Some examples of affirmations include:
- "I am a good person and deserve the best despite my past actions."
- "I am not perfect. I make mistakes, but I can learn from my past."
- "I'm human, just like everyone else."
Construct alternate meanings of
guilt.
The following statements can help you create alternative meaning for past
actions and experiences that may be eliciting feelings of guilt. In turn, this
process can help you change your thoughts in order to begin to eliminate the
guilt. Try to remember the following when you fall into patterns of
unproductive thinking or rumination about past deeds.
- Guilt can be an important learning tool for the future. Look for the lessons learned and know that life lessons make you wiser. For example, if you regret not treating your spouse with respect because you have seen first-hand that demeaning your partner can seriously harm a marriage, this knowledge will make you a wiser spouse in the future who has had to learn this lesson the hard way.
- Feeling guilty about a past action can help build empathy because you recognize the harm that your past actions have caused, which can help you realize how you affect others. Remember that having the skill of empathy helps you to better understand the feelings of others. For instance, if you feel guilty about yelling at a friend after heavy drinking, you may be better able to recognize how your actions made this friend feel.
