Building self-control can be challenging, but it is
possible to create changes in your life and manage impulsivity. Feeling more in
control of yourself and your actions can lead to feeling more in control of
life, feeling more empowered about who you are, and helping boost your feelings
of self-esteem.
Make a list of the habits or
behaviors you want to control.
If people in your life have made suggestions about your habits, take those
suggestions into consideration. Remember that true change comes from the inside
so also listen to your intuition and honor how you feel as well as feedback you
have received from people in your life. You have to be committed to making
change and building self-control in order to truly change your behaviors.
- Some examples might be smoking, eating, work habits, productivity, alcohol, controlling your temper, shopping or spending money, etc.
Choose the main behavior from the
list you’d like to control. We all
have areas of our life that could use more discipline and self-control, so
remember to be easy on yourself and take things slowly. Look at your list and
choose one thing you want to work on. Changing habits takes time, and building
self-control takes effort. Honor your energy and set realistic goals that are
achievable.
- Remember that you’re only in control of your own behavior while choosing. For instance, don’t choose something like “having a better relationship with my parents” since that requires effort from your parents as well. A goal such as “improve my communication habits with my parents” is better because it hinges on your behavior alone.
- Be realistic about what kind of changes you can make that will fit into your life, your time, and your ability. If you try to change everything at once, as ambitious as this may be, you can risk self-sabotaging your efforts and giving up.
Research the behavior. Educate yourself as much as you can about how others have
built self-control in similar situations. Ask friends or loved ones who have
made similar changes in their lives. Do an internet search about the specific
thing you are trying to change.
- For example, if overeating is the behavior you have decided to change, find books about impulsive eating (or binge eating) and gather as many helpful strategies as you can about how to build self-control around eating. Start a journal just for eating, for example, and write down or keep track of as many strategies as you come across. This gives you more options to try to discover what works for you.
Take an honest inventory of
yourself. Keep a personal journal, so you
individualize your experience in enacting change. Developing awareness about
your own emotional triggers that cause impulsivity and lack of self-control
will help you recognize the behavior. Nurturing awareness around your impulsive
behaviors will help you feel more in control of yourself and can also help you
make decisions about how you want to build self-control. It’s all about what
feels right for you, and building self-control starts with awareness of why you
sometimes feel impulsive.
- Staying with the example of binge eating, examine how you feel when you impulsively eat. Do you notice that you tend to binge eat when you are stressed? Maybe you binge eat to celebrate too. Do you find yourself binge eating when you feel anxious or sad?
Build yourself up. Proactively encourage yourself to make the changes in your
life that you want. Having a positive attitude can truly influence your ability
to practice self-control. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel like you
are not reaching your goals. Keep your focus on continually making the effort,
and let go of perceived failure. Just try again.
- You can use your journal to reframe negative statements if you feel you gave in to impulsivity instead of reaching your goals. For example, if your goal is not to spend money impulsively but you went on a shopping spree, take another look at your goals and remind yourself you had a really bad day. Take some time to journal what you could do differently next time. Congratulate yourself on your awareness and get ready to try again.
