Let the person know that you will
always be there for them, no matter what. If they're having problems or are
upset, show them that you care. Just listening to someone's concerns is often
enough to assure them that you care. You don't need to fix all of your loved
one's problems you just need to be there for the bad times as well as the good.
Schedule time to be together
frequently.
When you're in love with someone, spending time with them is not a chore or
stress. You'll want to be with them, so making time to do activities together
is no problem. Find things you love doing together and make time to do them --
the people you love should be a naturally high priority on your schedule.
- Spend time talking together, not just doing activities. You need to be able to listen and share your thoughts in order to maintain love and trust.
Compromise on argument and decision. You are not always right, and
neither is your loved one. Being in love is about remembering how important you
are together, not always trying to end up on top. While you should stay true to
yourself, being in love means taking their point of view into account as well
as yours.
- What is there side of the story? Is there something you didn't realize?
- Are you mad because of something that happened, or because you got too caught up in the argument?
- Do you still love and respect them? This is more important than a "winner" of any argument.
Build trust together. Loving someone requires a degree of vulnerability. You have
to be willing to open up about yourself, sharing the good times and asking for
support during the bad. This, though difficult at first, is crucial to having a
happy, loving relationship. Trusting each other deepens your bond together and
allows you to grow and evolve, and your love will evolve accordingly. You need
to know what your partner wants and needs, and they need to know you, in order
to keep your love alive.
- Trust is not just about talking, it is about listening carefully.
- Be open and honest about your schedule and life. Hiding things often leads to painful reveals later on.
Take care of yourself, by
maintaining your own life and happiness outside of your loved one. You need, above all, to take care
of yourself in order to take care of someone else. Try not to "lose"
yourself by neglecting your friends or old hobbies once you fall in love.
Remember, being in love does not mean you do everything together, it means you
respect each other for who you are. Some healthy ideas include:
- Take some occasional time apart-- if you are in love, it will not be destroyed by a few weeks alone.
- Hang out with your friends, especially friends from before the relationship began. These friendships are not unimportant now that you're in love.
- Develop personal hobbies or interests that you can eventually share, or use to have "me" time when you need a moment to relax.
Remain affectionate with each other. Just because you've been together
for a while does not mean that a hug, a kiss, or a nice letter sent to each
other can't keep the bonds of love strong. Remember that love takes effort to
maintain, but it shouldn't be hard. Show your love and affection from time to
time to keep the love alive.
Break up your routines from time to
time.
Predictability is the bane of many relationships, as you fall into a groove and
feel "trapped" or upset. A degree of surprise is essential to keep
your love going strong, but that doesn't mean you need to shake everything up
every few months. A few surprises here and there show that you care enough
about each other to spice things up and think about each other.
- Take a vacation, even if just for a long weekend.
- Make time to see each other once a week, but make it somewhere new each time.
- Go to a class or seminar together to pick up a new hobby.
- Make new friends by inviting other couples over for drinks or dinner.
- Start a project together, like a book, garden, painting, etc.
Limit any jealous feelings by
staying happy for your partner.
It is natural and acceptable to feel jealous at times. However, when one loves
another, jealousy doesn't take up too much space in the heart. If the other
finds a new romantic partner, gets their dream job, or is a better cook than
you, you should take pride in their happiness. Feelings of anger or jealousy are
natural, but they should not overshadow your relationship. A part of you should
be genuinely happy for the other one's life successes.
- Jealousy is actually healthy in small amounts -- it becomes dangerous, however, when it morphs into suspicion.
